Zenathi Femela makes stupid and great decisions

Honestly speaking, I’ve had a very bad start to my year of 2023 and it seems it will end in a bad state as I continue to struggle for a job because now I am self-employed and that does not earn a lot of income for me but I am at least trying man.

 I normally don’t feel like attacking myself, most of the time, because of personal demons I tend to overcome, not because I have opened a space for them to parade my mind but I am at least trying to become the best version of myself at all cost. When I intend to make stupid decisions in my life, I just know that I am a people-pleaser because previously, I have allowed people to have an opinion on my life and how I perceive some of the decisions I take. For an example, I’ve been fine with potentially pleasing people with my previous work though it was sulking me dry, emotionally, because It was not invested in me, in terms of how I rope in knowledge as the result, I ended up quitting that job not only it was sulking me dry but the income I was generating there was not suitable for my needs, personally and for my family as it mostly catered family needs not for me. Honestly speaking, after quitting that job, I’ve been learning to forgive myself and to become more of myself regardless someone else sees it or not because I unfortunately cannot become people-pleaser if they want to make a joke about, unfortunately, I cannot my man because I am at least trying to make something out of myself. Hence, I ended up focusing on Music & Life more, though, it was not generating money for me, however, at least, there’s something going on there and it pleases my direction in life while it strives to build fruitful relationships for me.

Tuesday, I posted a picture of me and Ta Qman on my Facebook story and captioned it ‘Till the finishing line’. You know, why I said that, is because he is someone that has shown me that he cares about me, deeply at that time. I know Xhosa dyans are not meant to say “they love each other’, but we actually say that to each other, not because we care for each other deeply, but we regard each other as friends though we overcame an obstacle, which I was at fault for, last year. I honestly think there’s various factors that strengthened our friendship and that’s one of the greatest decisions I took in my life. Not everyone in my circle I consider as my friends but rather a company to deal with, however, I regard that grootman as the special friend of mine and tend to do so till the finishing line. If we outgrow each other, in future, then there’s nothing wrong with that too because we are humans after all, so outgrowing humans is in the nature of humans.

 The point here: is that I have made stupid and great decisions in my life at the same time, I have recovered from those decisions and I wish for one to stop being a people-pleaser and learn to outgrow friends if they are not regarding him/herself as friend.